Round 4 and I wasn't ready...
Those close to me and around me already knew what the results would be this weekend. They had seen it coming and all though they were all trying to get me back on track, I just wasn't listening. Once we arrived to Knockhill the reality hit me hard and my mind was racing. I knew I wasn't prepared for this weekend. I hadn't trained in weeks and I was taking this amazing opportunity for granted. I had entered a mindset of just being lazy. That I could just show up and perform and man was I wrong. At the same time I was so excited to see my family and make them proud while they were here. It would all just backfire from there on.
Friday I woke up feeling better about the situation because it was wet and it was a 50/50 shot that the whole weekend would be wet. I am much stronger in the wet than most in the grid and I felt that handicap would allow me to keep my momentum although I was falling apart inside. I put on a good showing for the wet FP1 and then the forecast started changing and the weather reports started getting better. As the paddock was getting excited for it, inside I was getting more anxious. I knew I was going to struggle...just wasn't sure how much.
FP2 was dry and sure enough, the track felt completely different along with the bike feeling different. I managed a top10 but I wasn't comfortable at all. I was literally letting the bike take me around the track vs me putting the bike were I wanted. I struggled hard and even caused some situations for myself that just added to the negative mindset I was already carrying. I was able to brush off the issues just stating I needed more time on the track, but Saturday was Qualifying and Race 1. I wasn't sure what was going to happen, but clearly, I can't just show up to this level of events and achieve my goals without preparation beforehand.
Saturday morning came and today was the day it all counts. I needed to push and try to get through my barriers. I was starting to fall behind in the championship as well so I needed things to fall into place. I managed a decent qualifying. Race time came and I am usually so calm on the grid, but again that sense of knowing I hadn't prepared for the round was really grabbing ahold of my thoughts. Lights were on, lights were out and we were racing. I was fortunate to have some of the leaders crash out of this race and allowed me a top10 finish and to gain on the points as well. I moved up from 6th in the championship to 5th. I haven't earned that this round but I was grateful something positive was happening. Managed to get thru this day with some positives but there was so much work to do in order to keep with the lead group.
It's the last day of the race weekend and warm up goes decent. My dad went out to the spectator area to see where I needed some more improvements and we discussed it over data and telemetry reviews. Race 2 started and my struggles got worse. My mind knew what it needed to do but my body was just not willing to perform it. I couldn't impose my will and be as aggressive as I had been in previous rounds. It was so frustrating to see the opportunities and then hesitating to take them. It took me so long to find a groove that when I finally did the race was over. I finished P14, my worst finish this year. That just isn't going to work at this level or any level higher. I knew I had messed up. On top of messing up I was just using all kinds of excuses to keep the inevitable pressure off and it wasn't fooling anyone. The issue was me and we all knew it, just didn't know how to address it. I let my team down, I let my family down, I let Jay and Elle down and most importantly I knew I had let myself down!
The next couple of days were full of some very serious conversations with those who have invested so much in me and knew what I could do but also knew I was wasting it as well. They were frustrated and disappointed as was I. But I needed these hard talks and needed this reset. I didn't want to go home and throw this away, I want this and this is the future I know I can achieve. My dad tells me all the time; "Talent means nothing without hardwork!" We all came up with a new routine and plan to help keep me on track. I feel for me; being away from home is the toughest part. I miss them. Jay and Elle do a tremendous job with me here in the UK and I could never express my gratitude enough. But I do know this...If I show my appreciation by working hard, pushing myself and taking full advantage of this opportunity, that will be all the thanks that they need.
I want this, I need this and I will fulfill my dream! I am so grateful to have such amazing people around me and I know I am not in this alone. I need to speak up more, ask for more and not just relay on what I know to get me by. I don't want to just get by, I want to succeed beyond my milestones. My sincere apologies to my team Microlise Cresswell, Alan, John, Jay, Josh and Rysh; you will get a much better juju moving forward. Also massive apologies to Jay and Elle for not taking full advantage of what you are offering me. This will get better and continue to get better!. Mom and Dad, thank you for always being there and I know I need to speak up more when I am having issues internally.
LET'S GET READY FOR BRANDSHATCH!!
ScottK.
Man does it take a large heart, and maturity to admit to not having your head in the game, and admitting you’re homesick. All natural at your age. This experience is maturing you more than you know. Admitting faults is the first signs of acknowledging your weakness and beginning to fix them. Kudo’s to you young man. Your dad has your best interest at heart and will assist you through the process.
Jett Maddox
I just love the way you address yourself and everyone else associated. You are so well beyond your years. You’ve got the good sense that comes from good parenting combined with knowing how to use it. I’ve never met your parents however I have the highest respect for them. They are doing one fine job of raising their kidlets the right way. Remember when I said something to the effect that we can’t be perfect all of the time? And when that time comes we address the situation, note the fault, make a game plan, work a little harder at smoothing out the rough spots and continue on? This is a prime example. I have faith in you. Enough that you’ll get over this hump by leaps and bounds. So what if it sets us back a step! As long as we learn from it and apply it in a positive way that we benefit from, the “mistake” has been changed into a “lesson”. No harm, no foul. EVERYBODY makes mistakes… we’re human critters and it’s what we do. Like we’re programmed to screw up. They way we handle a screw up is what defines us. As long as you have the love and support surrounding you, there ain’t nuthin’ you can’t do!! (Especially when you throw on that cape. Don’t be afraid – it’s not going to slow you down or get caught in the spokes. It more than serves its purpose when used properly. 😉) I’m going to share something with you, now, and I want you to remember this: When you close your eyes, if you can see yourself doing something, then you CAN do it. It’s amazingly true. Try it. You don’t have to force yourself, just lay back, close your eyes, take a deep breath and imagine how your going to handle that bike at the next bottle-neck or which way you’re going to lean when someone slides out beside you or hit the throttle or the brakes. As long as you can see yourself handle a situation, see and feel your every thought and move from start to finish, then there’s no room for error. Time will not allow for it. And you can do it! You’ll see. It’s worked for me, just every time. Ask your support group what they think. Can’t hurt. And at worst they’ll call me crazy as a loon and blow it off. There is method to my madness, kidlet, and even if this helps only a little bit that means there’s no bad and that, to me, is a win-win. I’m hitting the hay. Just got in from a BIG job and I’m a little wiped out. Sleep tight, kidlet, I’ll talk to you later. You’re my hero. ✌🏻😎💜✈️🐾🐾